i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
