Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
