flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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