apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
