Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
