you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
