I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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