New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
