somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The Olympian is in my bed
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
