So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
grandma shit on top of the toilet
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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