I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
