My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
