Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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