How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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