just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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