I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think a kid would responsible me up
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
