Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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