I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
