1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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