I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
