when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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