When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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