I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
