She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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