dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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