real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
