I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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