Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
