i was born a porn star she said
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
