those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
