wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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