I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
