She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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