so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
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Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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