I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
