I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
