I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.