Texts From Last Night

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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Responsible fail?

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  (907): Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior? (773): Responsible fail? http://tfl.nu/nxhx
  Replies (19) Good night (1397) Bad night (5374)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

  (1-972): View more from Texas

  I want to be a cop.

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  (972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party. (1-972): I want to be a cop. http://tfl.nu/ucz6
  Replies (104) Good night (23682) Bad night (893)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials

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  (815): I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials http://tfl.nu/tg93
  Replies (11) Good night (971) Bad night (3355)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!

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  (870): At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins! http://tfl.nu/8m62
  Replies (19) Good night (5757) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  What did I say?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,

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  (636): You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why. (847): What did I say? (636): Don't ask me questions while I have an erection, http://tfl.nu/e9w1
  Replies (11) Good night (7808) Bad night (1116)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?

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  (209): Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on? http://tfl.nu/ru4x
  Replies (20) Good night (3635) Bad night (1309)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you

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  (541): you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you http://tfl.nu/5gma
  Replies (9) Good night (4752) Bad night (827)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.

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  (231): We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result. http://tfl.nu/ddxt
  Replies (2) Good night (2241) Bad night (793)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...

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  (217): she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening... http://tfl.nu/ap34
  Replies (5) Good night (882) Bad night (3099)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  We can Fuck in the shower to save time

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.

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  (262): We can Fuck in the shower to save time (1-262): And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative. http://tfl.nu/wr55
  Replies (5) Good night (1385) Bad night (287)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died

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  (360): My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died http://tfl.nu/olk7
  Replies (2) Good night (994) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.

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  (585): Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings. http://tfl.nu/zv1f
  Replies (0) Good night (607) Bad night (213)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable

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  (646): classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable http://tfl.nu/pp5h
  Replies (2) Good night (559) Bad night (200)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.

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  (410): Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface. http://tfl.nu/w1ur
  Replies (7) Good night (2046) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.

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  (919): It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds. http://tfl.nu/w9p4
  Replies (7) Good night (570) Bad night (150)

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