Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Acid is not a monday night drug
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?