Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
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I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
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Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.