They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize