Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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