i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"