Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
