I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
