I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
