so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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