I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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