the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
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not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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