I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
