Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
