whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
