Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it because I queefed?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
