why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
