is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
