hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
