So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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