i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
