I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
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She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
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High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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