I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
