You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
