We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I checked into jail on foursquare
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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