Don't make out with my wife yet
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It was confusing and full of hummus
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
