i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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