I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
