Non-Jews are for practice
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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