It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
