What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
