suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
