PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
