Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize