On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
