It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
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And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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