My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
