pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
