In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
