I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
