He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
