I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
