I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
