I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
