shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize