bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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