So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
