you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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