I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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