3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
its not stalking. its research.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I deserve this hangover.
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